I loved you because you were the first one to spark that fire in me. You made me feel like a woman and you made me realize that I wanted more than just platonic love and holding hands. I loved your fierce eyes, your intense look and your chilled attitude. I loved that you held me when I felt doubt and assured me that I was good enough. I loved you because I was so young and my heart muscles were expanding and you were there. I loved you when you held me so close and I skipped a beat and I wanted you so bad.
I loved you because you inspired me with your art. I loved you because we had the most amazing 3 hour conversations about life, books and nothing in particular at the same time. I loved you because you made me a muse, you made me see things with a beautiful lense. I loved you because you were the first man to pursue me and because you made me a bohemian at heart. I loved you because you were kind, generous and full of life.
I loved you because you motivated me to be more and to do more. For some reason I felt that I wasn't as smart or as knowledgeable as you and that worried me so I read and studied for you. I loved you because you made me see foreign films, you laughed at my jokes and gave me the gift of poetry. I loved you because you were like me, you had your issues and you valued my input. I loved your lips and your attitude on life.
I loved you because you had a dark sense of humour just like me, you made me feel like I mattered, like I was smart, clever, sarcastic and witty. I loved you because you made me laugh and you wanted, for a while, that I could be the answer to all your questions. I loved you because you handled me with care, like I was made of glass and I appreciate the thought. I loved you because you seemed like a sensible man, who can cook and be in touch with his feelings. I loved you because you were a good friend.
I stopped loving you because you chose somebody else, because you yelled at me and hurt me deeply. I don't think any other man has talked to me the way that you did and I won't allow it ever again. I don't love you anymore because your idea of happiness doesn't involve a family and because you have no respect for society's institutions. Now that I think about it I couldn´t love someone like you because that care free attitude translates into not caring at all and you are selfish at heart.
I stopped loving you because you disappointed me on a daily basis. You made me feel lonely while been with you. You are older but not wiser and you made me feel expendable. I will always regret our relationship because I lost a good friend for a crappy boyfriend.
I stopped loving you because you were too afraid to love me, I guess if we stick to the facts; you chose differently and when you came back to me I had already moved one. I will always cherish our converstions but the tables have turned and I do think you are not good enough for me, I think over the years you have lost the very special things that I feel in love with and you are just too normal for me now.
I think I will always love you in a way. I will always be there for you as a friend, although you continue to disappoint me and you may not deserve this. I am not sure if this comes from a disfunctional place or simple out of pity but I do care for you and wish you well. I stopped dreaming of you because you gave up on me and couldn't see beyond the pain I was going through and I don't appreciate your judgement.
The men I loved were a lesson for my heart, sometimes harsh, sometimes bitter sweet. Some of these relatioships involved regret but I learned from all of them. I learned about me and my expectations and I learn about them. They all served the most important purpose which was to teach me how to find the man I can´t stop loving.
